LOVE RAMBLES

Love is a most baffling emotion. How can one define love?
Whenever someone asks me this, I’ll whip up my usual, hallmark-worthy line.

‘When you are in love with someone, that someone is not merely someone you can imagine yourself with, instead, that someone is someone you cannot imagine life without.’

Makes sense?

Yet, this is an over-simplification of matters. Love, I think, can be signified and analogized in so many ways. There has been an overkill of analogies, just like analogies for life.

For example, the one which I really liked was the one in Forrest Gump, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates’. It is true, you know. On the surface all the chocolates look the same. Life is plain and simple on the surface. However, when you pick one of the seemingly plain chocolates up to put them in your mouth, savouring them, you will then realize, they have a distinct taste. Some are bitter, some are sweet. Mostly, the moral of the story is that, you never know what you are getting into, until you get into it. Well, this is my own personal interpretation, of course.

I think the trick to actually living life, is to take things as they come, be happy for having those things in your life, be they good, or bad. Because one way or another, they shape you up into what you are right now. Every up and down you have gone through, or will go through, will make you into the person you are. You may fail and become a loser. Or you may triumph and become a very contented person. Either way, these things are pretty much pre-destined.

Anyway, back to love. Love – can it simply be being comfortable with this person? Where does the thin line between love and comfortability end? All these open-ended questions, they can never be answered properly, you know right?

They are discussed, subjected to each and every one’s opinions. But there will never be an answer. Not like one plus one equals to two. Lol.

A line suddenly struck me - love is like how Jack Twist loved Ennis Del Mar. Love is how he looked at him and said fervently, ‘I wish I knew how to quit you’. But you cannot, and when you cannot, you live with it. Put it simply, all you can do, is grin and bear it. Hope that as the through time, the feeling will fade. Or you just wish that it can be tucked somewhere in your brain where you need not touch. It will collect dust and grow cobwebs there. On certain days, when you have the time, you unlock those memories, to bring them out, smile a little, tear a little, and cherish them.

I think of you,
Till the hours grow late
I think of you,
And all that you’ve said.

I dream of you
Of all the times we’ve had
I dream of you
All the good times and bad

I still love you
After all these days
I still love you
I still have so much to say

I miss you
Please come back to me
I miss you
For what u are and can be

I know you
Like noone ever will
I know you
Thru healthy times and ill

Will you ever forgive me?
I’m on my knees.
I want you back so much
To feel you and your touch.

The monotonous life I lead,
Is nothing without you
Living without u is a mean feat
Please, hear this prayer and come back.

When I got dumped by the most important guy ever in my life, my lifeline, my soul mate, the man I still want to marry, it felt like getting hit by a 900tonne truck, or maybe it felt like drinking 20 tequila shots, 40 flaming lambos, 60 apple shooters, 80 jugs of beer, 100 cups of Martell green tea, etc, getting dead stoned and having the mother of all hangovers the next morning. I think I read about someone who died from drinking too much in the papers today. Anyhow, it felt, in simple words, like hell.

I walked around in a limbo for three days. I tried drowning my sorrows, but they wouldn’t go down. (I think my sorrows had life buoys attached to them) I called him endlessly, incessantly, but he never picked up. I always wondered how he did that. Whenever I was angry or adamant about breaking up, I could never bring myself to ignore his calls. I mean, I needed him man. (Here, there comes another discussion topic I would engage in next time – about dependency of females in relationships)

Anyhow, those were dark times. I cried 24/7. I felt as if there was nothing else to live for. Everywhere I went, everywhere I turned, there were memories of him. Of where we went, what we did together, the fun we had, those tears we shared. Now, 4 months later, these memories have dulled. Indeed, they have.

For people who have recently been heartbroken, I offer you a piece of well-meaning advice and another piece of encouragement. My advice is to keep busy, do things, don’t think too much. Being alone will guarantee the onset of the largest depression. Therefore, avoid that. My encouragement is that, it is true that time does heal. Perhaps not heal, but the pain will lessen, the memories will fade. Sooner or later, the memories will just become like yellowed pages of an old newspaper. After all, those places will be filled with new memories, with new people in your life.

Nonetheless, the memory of such a wonderful, all-consuming love, they will never be forgotten. I had him then, and that was all I needed. It was like Moulin Rouge’s catchphrase, ‘All you need is love’.

However, sorry to slosh water at fire, but well, to all the romantics out there, that is totally NOT TRUE. Love is not enough. It never is enough. Love must be coupled with trust, etc. You may love someone and spend wonderful times with him, but here comes the cost-benefit analysis. Balance the wonderful and the bad. Sometimes, love brings more bad than wonderful. That is when, you know, love ain’t enough.

Hmmm. Listening to Foolish Games now. Jewel. I think this song is one of the most emo songs available in my iTunes selection. Lol. I miss him, not him in particular, but the intimacy, the way I can intertwine my life with someone. The way I can call someone whenever I want someone to talk to, one I can meet anytime, someone I know who will always be there for me through thick and thin. It is how you will always consider the person before you do anything, trying to fit him in your plan, your life plan and all.

Right now, I am in contact with him. But nothing’s the same anymore. I do not know what’s happening in his life, and neither does he know about mine. We see other people, other people are more involved in our lives. I talk to him, but superficially, I see him, but superficially. It is just so different. We know, there can be no hope of reconciliation. For me, I’m afraid of being needy and dependent and for him, he does not know when I’ll relapse into my attention-craving alter ego, the one who likes to flirt around behind his back. No trust, no nothing. What is there left for us? Goodbye my lover.

Please leave comments if you’ve been through heartbreak. I would like to know more about other people’s experiences. Thank you.